The Obligatory How I Got My Agent Post

(Also Stephanie & the Self-Doubt Monster)

It started on a cold (to me), sunny (if I remember right) day in Prague. My friend and I were on a walking tour of the city and our guide pointed out the former home of famous writer, Franz Kafka. The guide told our little group that most of Kafka’s writings never saw the light of day, because Kafka had a tendency to burn them. My friend turned to me and said, “That’s you.” I am NOT in any way comparing myself to Kafka, but my friend had a point, most of what I’d written up to that point ended up hidden deep in the bowels of my laptop or in dusty notebooks that I wouldn’t show anyone.

What the hell does that have to do with this ‘how I got my agent’ post?

My querying journey itself went strangely fast. I think for this to be of any use to anyone, I need to talk about self-doubt, for just a little. If you want to skip straight to the query stuff, go right ahead.

I got a late start to the writing and publishing game. I’m approaching my mid-thirties (I’m not happy about it) and when it comes to publishing where the odds are so long and the timelines are straight out of the Cretaceous period, starting in your thirties can feel like you already have a foot in the grave. When I hear creators on YouTube talk about getting a late start and then say they’re twenty-five, I want to curl up in a foetal position under the couch.

I’ve always loved to write, and I’ve dreamt about being published since I was a teen. But for years I struggled with absolutely crippling anxiety and self-doubt. I’d start writing something, hate it, tell myself I had no talent, and abandon whatever I was working on. The self-doubt monster and working 9 to 5 jobs that demanded a high output of content, left me dejected, burnt out, hating writing, and convinced that writing hated me back. That moment on the sidewalk in Prague pushed me to make changes, find my joy in writing again, and get past the anxiety and self-doubt.

I switched to physical notebooks to give me a sense of separation from the content production in my day job, to the writing I was doing for myself. I bribed myself with treats to sit and write. If anything is going to motivate me, it’s a piece of tiramisu. Getting help for depression was also a huge help—mental health is no small thing.

I could do with one of these again.

Slowly I got into a groove and got back the joy in pulling a story out of the ether like I had when I was younger. When I finished a short story I was proud of, I didn’t leave it to rot in my notebook. I typed it up, revised it, and submitted it to the Commonwealth Short Story Competition. I didn’t succeed with that, but it didn’t matter, the very act of submitting gave me courage. I felt like my eight-year-old self was proud of me.

Then I started working on my novel. It wasn’t the first novel I’d attempted, but it was the first one I completed. And damn was I proud to have finished that first craptastic draft.

A year after I submitted that short story to the Commonwealth Competition, I applied for the Bocas Lit Fest Fellowship for early career writers in the Caribbean, on the urging of the same friend who had called me out in Prague. I was selected as one of five fellows.

I continued working on that manuscript during my fellowship. I was paired with published sci-fi and fantasy writer, Karen Lord, who gave me great feedback and helped me feel less crazy as I figured out my writing process. This is the manuscript I ended up querying with.

The actual querying journey

Somewhere between draft four and starting to query I lost my job. So now I had all the time in the world to catastrophise about how I was never going to get an agent.   

I spent ages researching agents on QueryTracker, Googling agencies that have a strong record in SFF, combing through Publisher’s Marketplace, and generally driving myself mad. I made a spreadsheet. I hate spreadsheets. I wrote twelve drafts of my query before I settled on one that I didn’t think was the worst thing ever written since writing was invented. Then I succeeded in not chucking my computer out a window as I wrote different versions of my synopsis all the while questioning what the hell my book was even about.

I started querying in January with pretty low expectations. I knew querying was difficult, AND this was my first book to boot. I started with just a handful of queries and tried to prepare myself for all the rejections about to come my way. I found a wonderful group of writers online (shoutout to the Query Trench Besties) for support because no one in my real life understood what the hell querying really was and the many ways it destroys your soul. I woke up with nightmares that I’d sent my manuscript without any commas…

To my surprise, querying went, dare I say it…pretty damn well. I sent twenty-two queries overall. I got my first request within a day, and then a request for a call a week later. Cue internal screaming. Some agents only had my query for a day or two before I sent the nudge that I had an offer. That felt beyond surreal. I got four full requests post-nudge, but most passed stating lack of time. In the end, I ended up with one offer. I really clicked with my offering agent and was thrilled to sign with her. She was so passionate and enthusiastic about my work and my future. It didn’t hurt that she’d recently sold a book to one of my dream publishers!

Exactly one month to the day after sending my first query, I officially signed and became an agented author.

I know people usually post their stats, how many queries, how many rejections, full requests, etc., but I’m going to do something different.

Stats

Age: 34

Books completed: 1 (doesn’t mean you’re less of a writer for only having completed one at this stage).

Self-doubt monster: Not defeated but managed. Mostly. Maybe. Ish.

Meltdowns: Incalculable

Late starts: Acceptable. Life be life-ing and we all have different circumstances. It’s better to start later than not to try at all.

No manuscripts were harmed during this process, but many a comma has been butchered.